Alright class, settle down, pencils out. Last time we discussed the importance of picture selection (aka: the first 1st impression), today we're gonna take a peek at a few other integral aspects where many guys are failing.
Badly.
Your Profile-
There are soooo many ways to fuck this up. So. Very. Many. Let's begin with the "duh's"... Spelling and grammar; USE THEM! For fucks sake, what makes ya think it's not important? For at least 12 years, every day in school people tried to emphasise this point. Why would you think it doesn't matter here?
We're not expecting you to write a profile that could be mistaken for your dissertation, however, it also shouldn't read like a slow, possibly dyslexic 14 year old wrote it either. Girls aren't going to knock each other over to get to the dumb boy in the room, even if he's cute. Try a little punctuation. Craft coherent thoughts. Use fuckin' spell check. God, Bill Gates and Al Gore made it for a reason.
This is real:
(sic) "ian laid back guy like going out haven fun like to go listen to live music like countrymusic and older rocken roll like to sit anround fire pit and cook outs like to go to fairs and fleamarket i like going camping and fishing like to restore old cars like to work out in the yard i have work very hard get thing iv got i like to joke around just some good old fun it is better tell truth up front to wait it to late ian looking for someone loyal and honest im looking for someone that is serious in meeting getting to know each other i dont pretend to be someone im not i like wacthing demlition derby i run few my self some women on here think that there great on here if there great why are there on this site looking for some one they think there to good to talk people need to know just ask like they say you judge a book by it cover you just might just miss a good one no players"
Holy fuck grammar Batman.
~This Isn't An Election Commerical, Don't Go Negative: Your profile is not the place to address your deep seeded and painful issues. "GAMES, LIES, CONFUSION...Whats the point", "No more pussies. Real women only, please" (-- I know we're talkin' "don'ts", but, honestly I give a bit of credit for the no problem usage of pussy, with the respect of a please.), "do any women tell the truth? tired of the BS", "tired of girls so FULL OF THEMSELVES", "All gold diggers exit now please", "looking for someone who is not a ****"; are all great things to discuss with your shrink, or over a beer with your buddy. These are not things to include in your profile. Why? Because such shit just show us that however you were burned in your last relationship(s), you've not really worked through it. These words are the hallmark that let us know that those past unresolved experiences taint the prism by which you'll be able to see or experience anything/one new. --And not in the 'live, learn, watch out for way' either. But in the, 'I'm gonna make you pay for someone elses stupidity, infidelity, inconsideration, selfishness, mean-ness, etc, way'. Guys don't want to be punished for the last boyfriends bad actions, neither do girls.
This is real:
(sic) "Discribing myself does no good for the person reading this discription. I can say or write anything to make myself sound great or to try to convince you to contact me, but the only way your really going to know who I am is to talk and get to know me. Dating is hard enough as it is, but when you try to make yourself something your not, then that makes it even harder. I am a good man that made some bad choices in the women that I have married. I am not scared of making a comment as long as it isnt a one sided relationship. I dont have a problem being romantic if that is what a women likes."
Cliche's are so because they are rooted in truth, you will get more with honey than vinegar. Eliminate the negative and focus in on the fuckin' positive. Write good traits you have or desire in a mate. Qualities that ideally you'd like to find, not how that damn (insert name here) screwed you over. Describe why we would want to hang out with you, not give us a reason not to. Make you appealing.
~Watch Your Tone: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP YELLING AT US.
This is real:
(sic) "I AM AN AMBITIOUS, FUN LOVING GUY AND I AM LOOKING ON THIS SITE FOR A NICE HONEST WOMAN TO DATE AND GO OUT AND HAVE FUN WITH GOING TO EVENTS, FAIRS,SHOPPING OR WHATEVER. I AM REAL DOWN TO EARTH SIMPLE KIND OF GUY. I DON'T LIKE TO MAKE THINGS MORE COMPLICATED THAN THEY HAVE TO BE. JUST LIKE TO LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST BECAUSE THE YEARS SEEM TO JUST FLY BY. I THINK LIFE IS TO SHORT TO BE LONELY. AND MISERABLE. BUT I WORK ALOT OF HOURS AT WORK AND I LIVE BY MYSELF, EXCEPT FOR MY DOG, WHICH I LOVE TO DEATH! SHE IS SPOILED ROTTEN BUT SHE IS A GOOD DOGGIE! I AM AN OUTDOOR PERSON, I LIKE CAMPING,CEDAR POINT,GARDENING. AND RENOVATION. PROJECTS AROUND THE HOUSE.SO IF YOU THINK YOU MIGHT WANT TO MEET SOMETIME AND GET TO KNOW ME, SEND ME A MESSAGE"
You'll find a wee key to the left of your left hand pinkie. FUCKING PUSH IT.
Conversely, please don't whhhhisper.
This is real:
(sic) "i will like to meet someone to go out tosee a good movie,eat i love food,go to a club i like to dance and drink some just in off to make me feel good ,i like all kinds of music i think is the best thing to do to the stress go out and forget about everything that way you dont think about u problems bills etc."
Good grief. All of those lower case "i"'s. It strikes us as the typing of a sad sack, perhaps someone who walks around head lowered and kinda stooped over. Yes, it is the poor posture of writing. If Charlie Brown had email, I bet he'd write in all lower case. ...Even Peppermint Pattie didn't want Charlie Brown.
You'll find a button to remedy this on the left hand side, again near the pinkie (and we all know that if the pinkie can make it happen, it's not too much effort), it says 'shift', hit it every now and again.
~Remember You Are Not Fabio: Yes, everyone likes the idea of a life that looks like the cover of a romance novel, (I guess?) chocked full o' long walks on the beach, horseback rides at sunset and skipping through fields of clover. Unless you A) happen to live on oceanfront property (George Strait shout out!), 2) own a horse, III) or are legitimately an heir to the Massengill fortune, feel completely free to leave such things out of your profile. Honestly, it doesn't show that you're tryin' very hard, or are really in touch with what a girl wants. It also doesn't differentiate you from the other 98 guys who included "walks in the rain" in some misguided attempt to woo us.
~It's Hard To Start: "I don't know where to begin", "I'm no good at writing this stuff" and all other variations. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Got it. Not interesting. Or informative. It's the filler in your profile crab cake, and nobody orders the crab cake because it's got extra filler. Give us some juicy, flaky, sweet goodness and just fuckin' start already.
~Be Confident, Not Cocky: FYI, girls don't like cocky. Cockiness always covers for low self esteem and/or real, or imagined, perceived internal inadequacies. A confident guy is secure in his...um....his-ness. He owns what he is. He doesn't need to play it up because he's solid with who he is. A cocky guy isn't secure enough in his 'his-ness' to let that speak for itself. Nooooo, he's gotta get all boasty and braggy about it in an attempt to lure a girl in, because he thinks his his-ness isn't enough, which always comes off as desperate and sad. And what girl needs an added dose of desperate and sad in her life?
This is real:
I'm online here, looking for a real relationship. I'm social, have lots of friends, but I've found the girls in LA bars are not interested in a relationship, being a couple. Moreover, I'm kind of hard to "get". I'm sensitive, totally love to be in committed relationships, believe in the Romeo and Juliet in-love-forever, hearts-race-when-we-see-each-other kind of love (and I write songs about that), but without knowing that a girl in a bar sees a tall, blue-eyed good-looking, fun, rich guy who own a couple of luxury houses on the beach, collects exotic cars, plays in a party band, works out to have six pack abs, and mastered a stock market hedge fund. So you can imagine finding a match is a bit challenging. I know the true comes out in the lyrics of the songs I write. Good stuff, here's one song I wrote:
"A Kiss, is a beautiful thing. Affection shaped and curled together. A union with blind eyes, and open hearts"...
Remember: Confident = good. Cocky = you spending another night rubbin' one out.
...Well. On that note, we'll wrap things up for the day.
Before you make your profile:
Next time, making contact. Cllllllllaaaasssssss dismissed.
* Special, big ass Thanks to Somp for your "research" assistance and all 'round general cool chick-ness.
Badly.
Your Profile-
There are soooo many ways to fuck this up. So. Very. Many. Let's begin with the "duh's"... Spelling and grammar; USE THEM! For fucks sake, what makes ya think it's not important? For at least 12 years, every day in school people tried to emphasise this point. Why would you think it doesn't matter here?
We're not expecting you to write a profile that could be mistaken for your dissertation, however, it also shouldn't read like a slow, possibly dyslexic 14 year old wrote it either. Girls aren't going to knock each other over to get to the dumb boy in the room, even if he's cute. Try a little punctuation. Craft coherent thoughts. Use fuckin' spell check. God, Bill Gates and Al Gore made it for a reason.
This is real:
(sic) "ian laid back guy like going out haven fun like to go listen to live music like countrymusic and older rocken roll like to sit anround fire pit and cook outs like to go to fairs and fleamarket i like going camping and fishing like to restore old cars like to work out in the yard i have work very hard get thing iv got i like to joke around just some good old fun it is better tell truth up front to wait it to late ian looking for someone loyal and honest im looking for someone that is serious in meeting getting to know each other i dont pretend to be someone im not i like wacthing demlition derby i run few my self some women on here think that there great on here if there great why are there on this site looking for some one they think there to good to talk people need to know just ask like they say you judge a book by it cover you just might just miss a good one no players"
Holy fuck grammar Batman.
~This Isn't An Election Commerical, Don't Go Negative: Your profile is not the place to address your deep seeded and painful issues. "GAMES, LIES, CONFUSION...Whats the point", "No more pussies. Real women only, please" (-- I know we're talkin' "don'ts", but, honestly I give a bit of credit for the no problem usage of pussy, with the respect of a please.), "do any women tell the truth? tired of the BS", "tired of girls so FULL OF THEMSELVES", "All gold diggers exit now please", "looking for someone who is not a ****"; are all great things to discuss with your shrink, or over a beer with your buddy. These are not things to include in your profile. Why? Because such shit just show us that however you were burned in your last relationship(s), you've not really worked through it. These words are the hallmark that let us know that those past unresolved experiences taint the prism by which you'll be able to see or experience anything/one new. --And not in the 'live, learn, watch out for way' either. But in the, 'I'm gonna make you pay for someone elses stupidity, infidelity, inconsideration, selfishness, mean-ness, etc, way'. Guys don't want to be punished for the last boyfriends bad actions, neither do girls.
This is real:
(sic) "Discribing myself does no good for the person reading this discription. I can say or write anything to make myself sound great or to try to convince you to contact me, but the only way your really going to know who I am is to talk and get to know me. Dating is hard enough as it is, but when you try to make yourself something your not, then that makes it even harder. I am a good man that made some bad choices in the women that I have married. I am not scared of making a comment as long as it isnt a one sided relationship. I dont have a problem being romantic if that is what a women likes."
Cliche's are so because they are rooted in truth, you will get more with honey than vinegar. Eliminate the negative and focus in on the fuckin' positive. Write good traits you have or desire in a mate. Qualities that ideally you'd like to find, not how that damn (insert name here) screwed you over. Describe why we would want to hang out with you, not give us a reason not to. Make you appealing.
~Watch Your Tone: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP YELLING AT US.
This is real:
(sic) "I AM AN AMBITIOUS, FUN LOVING GUY AND I AM LOOKING ON THIS SITE FOR A NICE HONEST WOMAN TO DATE AND GO OUT AND HAVE FUN WITH GOING TO EVENTS, FAIRS,SHOPPING OR WHATEVER. I AM REAL DOWN TO EARTH SIMPLE KIND OF GUY. I DON'T LIKE TO MAKE THINGS MORE COMPLICATED THAN THEY HAVE TO BE. JUST LIKE TO LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST BECAUSE THE YEARS SEEM TO JUST FLY BY. I THINK LIFE IS TO SHORT TO BE LONELY. AND MISERABLE. BUT I WORK ALOT OF HOURS AT WORK AND I LIVE BY MYSELF, EXCEPT FOR MY DOG, WHICH I LOVE TO DEATH! SHE IS SPOILED ROTTEN BUT SHE IS A GOOD DOGGIE! I AM AN OUTDOOR PERSON, I LIKE CAMPING,CEDAR POINT,GARDENING. AND RENOVATION. PROJECTS AROUND THE HOUSE.SO IF YOU THINK YOU MIGHT WANT TO MEET SOMETIME AND GET TO KNOW ME, SEND ME A MESSAGE"
You'll find a wee key to the left of your left hand pinkie. FUCKING PUSH IT.
Conversely, please don't whhhhisper.
This is real:
(sic) "i will like to meet someone to go out tosee a good movie,eat i love food,go to a club i like to dance and drink some just in off to make me feel good ,i like all kinds of music i think is the best thing to do to the stress go out and forget about everything that way you dont think about u problems bills etc."
Good grief. All of those lower case "i"'s. It strikes us as the typing of a sad sack, perhaps someone who walks around head lowered and kinda stooped over. Yes, it is the poor posture of writing. If Charlie Brown had email, I bet he'd write in all lower case. ...Even Peppermint Pattie didn't want Charlie Brown.
You'll find a button to remedy this on the left hand side, again near the pinkie (and we all know that if the pinkie can make it happen, it's not too much effort), it says 'shift', hit it every now and again.
~Remember You Are Not Fabio: Yes, everyone likes the idea of a life that looks like the cover of a romance novel, (I guess?) chocked full o' long walks on the beach, horseback rides at sunset and skipping through fields of clover. Unless you A) happen to live on oceanfront property (George Strait shout out!), 2) own a horse, III) or are legitimately an heir to the Massengill fortune, feel completely free to leave such things out of your profile. Honestly, it doesn't show that you're tryin' very hard, or are really in touch with what a girl wants. It also doesn't differentiate you from the other 98 guys who included "walks in the rain" in some misguided attempt to woo us.
~It's Hard To Start: "I don't know where to begin", "I'm no good at writing this stuff" and all other variations. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Got it. Not interesting. Or informative. It's the filler in your profile crab cake, and nobody orders the crab cake because it's got extra filler. Give us some juicy, flaky, sweet goodness and just fuckin' start already.
~Be Confident, Not Cocky: FYI, girls don't like cocky. Cockiness always covers for low self esteem and/or real, or imagined, perceived internal inadequacies. A confident guy is secure in his...um....his-ness. He owns what he is. He doesn't need to play it up because he's solid with who he is. A cocky guy isn't secure enough in his 'his-ness' to let that speak for itself. Nooooo, he's gotta get all boasty and braggy about it in an attempt to lure a girl in, because he thinks his his-ness isn't enough, which always comes off as desperate and sad. And what girl needs an added dose of desperate and sad in her life?
This is real:
I'm online here, looking for a real relationship. I'm social, have lots of friends, but I've found the girls in LA bars are not interested in a relationship, being a couple. Moreover, I'm kind of hard to "get". I'm sensitive, totally love to be in committed relationships, believe in the Romeo and Juliet in-love-forever, hearts-race-when-we-see-each-other kind of love (and I write songs about that), but without knowing that a girl in a bar sees a tall, blue-eyed good-looking, fun, rich guy who own a couple of luxury houses on the beach, collects exotic cars, plays in a party band, works out to have six pack abs, and mastered a stock market hedge fund. So you can imagine finding a match is a bit challenging. I know the true comes out in the lyrics of the songs I write. Good stuff, here's one song I wrote:
"A Kiss, is a beautiful thing. Affection shaped and curled together. A union with blind eyes, and open hearts"...
Remember: Confident = good. Cocky = you spending another night rubbin' one out.
...Well. On that note, we'll wrap things up for the day.
Before you make your profile:
- Decide what vibe you want girls to take away from your content. Establish your objective. Pen your narrative accordingly.
- Convey something that sets you apart, that's interesting, something that shows a trait that makes us think you'd potentially make a good match.
- Don't be David Downer. Accentuate the positive.
- Do be yourself, but be the yourself that uses fucking spell check. Make friends with periods, commas and paragraphs.
- Make YOU appealing.
- Include what's known as a call to action. Cajole, tempt, dare, entice your reader to take an action and reach out to you. Create an easy opening for her to say hello.
Next time, making contact. Cllllllllaaaasssssss dismissed.
* Special, big ass Thanks to Somp for your "research" assistance and all 'round general cool chick-ness.
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