Sunday, May 15, 2011

~Medals, Mack & Brass Monkey (Yes, That Funky Monkey). Oh, And Lesbianisim.

I had the best time visiting with my Godkids Saturday.  LB2'd brought both Godkid J, who had a karate tournament here, and Godkid Mini Me.  It was a sheer delight to get to hang with them, which I don't get a chance to do often enough.  They are growing up so fast.  Too fast for ol' Aunt BBG.  He's 13 and she's 11.  ...Seems like it was just yesterday I was putting them in pillowcases trying to steal them.  Despite having been subjected to the trauma of surviving an attempted kidnapping They are really, really good kids.  LB2'd is a really, really good mom, and I'm so glad they have (code name) H2B#3 as their dad figure. 

Godkid J earned two medals (or as LB2'd observed, he's "6 medals and a bong away from Michael Phleps").  It was his first tournament, I was so proud to see him compete so well.
(Congrats Godkid J!!)

Mini Me, code named because even though I literally saw her pop outta LB2'd, she, from pretty much go has demonstrated many, many BBG qualities (oh, and whatever the opposite of "qualities" is) to not be mine.  She is a mini me.  Not being lesbians, we have yet to figure out the logistics of it, but somehow that girl is mine. 

Because she is me she didn't even question when I said we were going to get our picture taken in front of the big ass, ol' school Mack truck we spied as we walked into the venue.
(Mini Me and a Mack)

It was a proud moment when I got to tell Mini Me about cab over engine trucks and BJ et the Bear.  (single tear slowly drops) 

(Random:  My favorite Mini Me quote;  "Everything is ok with Aunt BBG, even in war."    While I've never reeeeally been entirely sure what that meant, I've always taken it as very high regard.  Good to know I'm not fuckin' up being an Aunt too much!  Until them I'd had no Aunting experience, you know.)

And yes. 

Of course I had my photo taken with the truck. 

Did you really think I didn't

DO YOU NOT KNOW ME AT FUCKING ALLLLLLL?
(Note to self:  While you still look big, mainly because you are,
you look slightly less big in proximity to huge things. 
Strongly consider dating NBA and NFL sized guys,
touring tall circus freaks and Ron Jeremy.)

At some point (as it always does) things took a turn for the, "well.  Isn't that sumthin'".

LB2'd, Mini Me and moi had wondered to the concession stand.  On our way back to the competition area (...I know right about now you're envisioning some grand the Kid and Johnny Lawerence leg sweepin' event, but it was really a somewhat sketchy gym.  Nuthin' bad happened, but there were no mats.  I think there probably shoulda been mats, right?  And a Mr. Miyagi?), one of Godkid J's pals stopped us and said that J was "looking for his parents".   Which struck me as kinda odd.  But I didn't say anything.  

As we proceeded to the no mat/Miyagi free competition zone, we came upon the same kid's father, who also mentions that Godkid J is "looking for his parents", as he seems to be addressing both LB2'd and me.  Which, again, seems odd.  

I can only surmise that somewhere an hour west of here, some parents of some kid Godkid J knows is tellin' a story about meeting Godkid J's two moms.

LB2'd and I spoke later in the evening once she was home and we had quite a chuckle over the fact that both of us noticed, and picked up the vibe that that's what these folks seemed to believe about us as they were sayin' it, yet neither of us corrected them.  Laughed our asses off, in fact. 

I figured, what the fuck do I care if two strangers who live 50ish miles away think I'm battin' for the other team?  Answer:  Much like I feel about many people, and many things, I don't.  I felt like poppin' out with, "ohhhhh, we're straights" was just setting two people somewhat newish to our country up for feelin' assy.  Like mistaking a girl for preggers, when she's not.  Nobody wins.  Nobody.  (Except  when this has happened to me.  I have looked at people and said, "noooo I'm just fat".  Ta-dow!!  Frankly, grown ups ought to know better and in such a case I have no compunction for making them feel stoopid.  I win!)  However, I didn't think they deserved to feel stoopid, so I didn't correct them.  Plus, aren't we getting a little closer to evolved and enlightened when being thought gay isn't somehow the same as being thought of as being bad a good thing?  I guess maybe I felt like them not having to feel like asses was their reward for being accepting folks, even if they were wrong in their apparent assumption.  LB2'd and I decided that was our small part of the acceptance for all people fight.  We're probably not hittin' this years Pride, but at least we've done this.  (pats self on back)

After our shenanigans and medal winnings we grabbed a lil' grub before they all headed back to the vaguely Dayton area in hopes of seeing Godkid L on her way to her first prom (awwwwww...), we were standing around chattin' and Mini Me found her way to the front seat and in charge of the radio when she cranked up the tune they'd been listening to:

...Next thing ya know there's a BBG doin' the Brass Monkey dance in the parking lot.  Lookin' a fuckin'  fool.  And so it was; Saturday.  I hope in your own, less weird, less foolish lookin'  way yours was good too!



(BBG Fact:  I fully believe that seeing a cab over engine (COE), or as Izzz calls 'em, 'flat face' trucks, is a good omen.  Always.  Under any circumstances.  I don't know why.  I just love 'em.)

Friday, May 13, 2011

Scary Shit On The Internet

I'm not talking about the obvious shit like stalkers and identity theft.  I'm talking about that shit that pops out at you in the least expected moments while doing a search or ....






And then when you actually do a search on "scary", over half the shit that comes up are clowns!  WTF?



Clowns don't scare me but I know a few people who are going to hate...love me for this post...

My Last Post

All gone.  Meany head blogger did it.  /Super sadface.  I could repost "Themed Thursday: Zombies pt 4" but I'm lazy...If you really really want it.  I'll bring it back.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Themed Thursday: Zombies Part 4

The last chapter of Themed Thursday's Zombies.  Not to be mistaken for the last Themed Thursday or even the last of Zombies on this site, just the combination of the two.


Part 4 has been reserved for the funny hahas, the zombies that have made me laugh and hopefully, will do the same for you.

flammable zombies

eat flesh

zombies

baby zombie

braaaaiiiins!!!

fucking hungry
zombie tshirt
I don't think I'd get away with wearing this shirt...being a chick and all.

cutest zombie ever
Cutest Zombie EVER!

zombie wedding cake
Mine and the Mountain Man's future wedding cake.

zombie plush
Zombie plush.  I recently got this as a bday gift for Snake...
Snake

He, of course, loved it.

zombie barbie

pestilence pony
Zombie play pretties for the youngins.

zombie high-heels
And for the ladies.

Zombie Marvel

I've asked for the series for my last 3 birthdays.

zombie clowns

And yes, I just can't get enough of the clowns.

Adam Fisher
Drawn by my best friend Adam.  He's also designing the zombie tattoo I'll be getting after the parasite...baby is born.

zombie makeup
Damn good zombie makeup and I want to copy it for next year's Visioncon.

My favorite zombie of all time.  Do any of you know where he's from?

A good second favorite for last.  Can you remember which movie he's from?

~Goodbye Ol' Friend

Well...the remote finally drew it's last breath.  It lived a good looooooong life.  It worked out regularly, as you can see from the numberless and nameless buttons. 
(RIP Old Remote 200? - May 2011)

~Obituary~
Remote, Old
Born sometime in the 2000's was a state of the art digital magic cable box tell-er what to do-er who performed diligently for many years of service to BBG.  Until that fateful day it was dropped for the 32,000th time when it suffered a fatal battery hold-y in-y flap break.  Survivors include;  BBG and two AA batteries.  Services will be closed to the public.  In lieu of flowers contributions may be made to:
BBG Shits and Giggles Fund
c/o BBG
123 Fake St.
Somewhere, Ohio

In happier news, please join me in welcoming the new version:

(Born May 2011)

 
It even glows.


(Evidently,  I do not know the proper camera setting for glowing remote in a
not a very bright room.  Or maybe how to keep the camera still? 
Who knows.  Either way, sorry.)



Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Bike Ride

Yesterday was perfect weather and the Mountain Man surprised me with a motorcycle ride out to his favorite fishing hole.  And as much as some people like to throw a fit about taking a pregnant woman on a motorcycle, Bite Me!  I'll ride behind him until I'm too big to.  I had a huge bug filled grin the entire time.


Jealous, aren't you.


In other news...

I need some advice.  The baby bump has begun to show.  I do not have stretch marks appearing yet but I'd like to never see them.  However, all the lotions and creams than everyone has been telling me about has cocoa butter in them.  I HATE cocoa butter!  It smells like ass and if I had to wear it on a daily bases I'd be back to the way I was during the first three months of this parasite taking over my body, in other words, puking 24/7 and as much FUN as that was, lets not have a repeat mmkay.


Does anyone know of any other options?  ...Cheap options? 

~Operation: HA F'n HA

Maybe the stellar, stealth-y works of our Navy SEAL Six team recently is rubbing off on me?  I donno. 

I do know that I'm engaged in some super elite Psychological Operations.  Yep.  That's what I'm involved in.   Psychological warfare!  And kidz, the BBG is gittin' crafty wit it.  A fact, I'm not particularly proud of, but it gives me a tee-hee, sooooo say it with me now;  SUCK IT!  

As a tactical mastermind, I know that by all rights he shouldn't hold any space in my head.  He still does, albeit far, far less frequently.  I'm trying to frame it as a testament to how much I have the capability of loving, that I can be so heartbroken. 

As opposed to many folks who aren't, for whatever reasons, able to love someone, anyone fully.  They never fully feel the pain when things don't "work out", but they also never really love or feel love fully either.  You've seen those folks.  There out there.  And I'm thankful that after 100 years of dating that I haven't turned into one of the walled off people.  My heart, while still a bit bruised, is still hopeful and open.  Perhaps, that's just my silver lining thinking to avoid bein' pissed off that he crosses my mind at all.  (Ain't rationalization grand?)

But serious biz, let's face it, a whole lotta girls would have handled things in a more (hummm) booyah kinda way, for loss of a better term.  Alas, I'm no car key-er, email hacker or brick throw-er through the window-er.  (Yes.  I do know people who've done exactly those things.  Guess what?  You do too.  I'm sure of it.) 

I am (usually) much more of a, 'the world will bring you your comeuppance', kinda girl.  I (usually) don't feel the need to do something to ya myself.   I'm (usually) pleased enough to just to cut you outta my life, end of story.  While I feel like I'm almost there, I also feel like right now a wee Ha Fuckin' Ha/Psy Ops mission is precisely what is needed for the good of my soul and psyche. 

(Wrong?  Maybe.  You be the judge.)

Ok, let's set the mood.

Yeah, this requires a mood...



So to bring you up to speed, since the breakup I was contacted by one of his ex's (code name: Peaches), who has actually known him since middle school.  A few emails were exchanged and the next thing you know we're sitting across a table from each other.  She's a lovely person and we had a very nice chat. 

While we were chatting we cooked up a lil' mini (fuck you redundancy!) mind fuck.  (Yes.  I did just use fuck twice in a sentence.  You're welcome.)

...And let's just say, somebody is gonna get a surprise when he sees this:
(Moi et Peaches - aka: the ex's)

Oh to be a bug on the wall when "somebody" logs on to FB and sees my posting of these two faces together simply containing the caption, "Yep."  (In her own independent shock and awe and for extra good measure, Peaches emailed the same picture to him.) 

I'd imagine seeing us together is going to be quite a WTF?!? moment for "somebody".  Two people who's paths had never crossed, and would never have crossed if "somebody" had conducted themselves in a better, less chicken shit manner, standing there photo gawkin' at ya.  Surfuckin'prise!!  

I gotta tell ya, I don't think I'd like to see two of my ex's together, gabbing.  Of course, as much as I wouldn't like the thought of it, I don't have anything that anyone could say that would be embarrassing to me, or that I would feel really shitty about.  (--A side benefit of being a decent person.)  I would guess two ex's knowing scads of less than stellar details would be more disconcerting than, if let's say, PotRoast and Mr. Man ended up sitting across a table.  I'm gonna guess that seeing this precious moment captured on a digital memory card will cause a jolt to the system.  ...And that, for right or wrong, totally and completely in my core makes me laugh.  Hard. 

(Reminder:  I never said I was a good person.  I've only ever contended that I'm a person who tries to be good as often as possible.  Clearly, today it wasn't possible.)

Before our meeting I had been feeling bad for myself (only from time to time).  Now I just feel bad for "somebody".  I have no shame to my game.  I'm not always right, but I'm strong, I'm kind, I'm true and I'm a girl of my honor, which is leaps and bounds beyond how "somebody" is capable of comporting themselves.  And that's sad.  That must be miserable to look in the mirror and see each day.   

In my nearly uncontrollable side splitting laughter subdued and appropriate level of glee I'm reminded of the ironic words "somebody" is fond of sharing; "Love is giving someone the power to break your heart, but trusting them not to"  (...Really?  Tell me fucking more.  I'd love for you to expound on that...)...

...And the eternal, sage words of one Nelson Muntz;



Update:  Apparently the pic has been spied.  I have been FB defriended.  (sniffle, sniffle, tear, sniffle)  ..With friends like that, blah, blah, fuckidy, blah, right?

I now feel weirdly giddy.  And strangely free.  

Mission Accomplished.