Each year our city puts on Red, White and BOOM! It's purported to be "the largest fireworks display in the midwest." Which I've always suspected they say because 'the best damn firecrackers if your not in New York or Chicago' would take up too much space on the ads.
It is a grand annual affair bringing more than 1/2 million people downtown for Boom type festivities; eats, parade, music, extensive, labor intensive and often ridiculous plans for spot saving, and the fireworks.
I enjoy Boomin' when invited to a corporate soiree. When lured in with the promise of indoor facilities or at a minimum private porta potties, a roof top view, booze, some catering, etc., I'm down for attending. Otherwise the thought of being awash in the sweaty masses trying to wrangle their cotton candy and Dew hopped up, ill behaved, sticky fingered progeny really just ain't my bag. Nor is being jostled by 600,000+ of my closest strangers.
On years I am not hob-knobin' with the Cbus area movers, shakers and gliteratti, I spend Boom at AnonD's, where the crowd is a much more manageable and delightful AnonD and R, me and our combined 4 d oh double g's (...I like the Snoop spellin'). In addition to hangin' with friends, there's steak, air conditioning, a super comfy leather chair and the finest HD big ass screen tv in the land, and finding parking means pullin' in the driveway.
Other than what I find at AnonD and R's, the only thing I require to make my Booming complete is the Lee Greenwoodif you don't know every word, it makes me question if you are indeed an American classic, God Bless the U.S.A. I'm not that hard to please. One song that is custom made for such an event. But did I hear my song?
(Short answer: No.)
(Long answer) 2011 Boom soundtrack:
Missing God Bless The U.S.A. and the uber clunky transitions between tracks, honestly, diminished my enjoyment of the entire production. Contemplating the what the fuckness of the musical accompaniment prohibited me from focusing in on the pyrotechnics themselves-- that's how shitty it was.
Don't believe me? See for yourself:
(Red, White and Boom ~ 2011)
Because my friend is (obviously!!) not at that station anymore and I have no one to pick up the phone and call...
Dear Red, White and Boom 2012 Soundtrack Planner,
In the most respectful maner, '11 is the purrrrrrrfect example of what not to do this year. Simply put, I found it spectacularly craptastic. Here's what we want; the musical military montage, a few fun pieces from whatever the latest cool kid music of the day is, a viral audio clip (for instance that double rainbow dude over a bed of some tune woulda been sweet sync'd with the right fireworks sequence, no?) peppered with a few ol' school classics and muther fuckin' Lee Greenwood's God Bless the U.S.A. That's it. We'll be happyand probably won't have to call you out in public on the interweb in our blog this year. ...And isn't that what we all want? More happiness, less contemplation of eye poking? Thank you in advance for your consideration. Good luck.
Love,
BBG
Because I was gypped and am proud to be an American I offer you this:
Happy and safe 4th-ing peeps!!
Haaaaaaaaaappy Birthday America!!
It is a grand annual affair bringing more than 1/2 million people downtown for Boom type festivities; eats, parade, music, extensive, labor intensive and often ridiculous plans for spot saving, and the fireworks.
I enjoy Boomin' when invited to a corporate soiree. When lured in with the promise of indoor facilities or at a minimum private porta potties, a roof top view, booze, some catering, etc., I'm down for attending. Otherwise the thought of being awash in the sweaty masses trying to wrangle their cotton candy and Dew hopped up, ill behaved, sticky fingered progeny really just ain't my bag. Nor is being jostled by 600,000+ of my closest strangers.
On years I am not hob-knobin' with the Cbus area movers, shakers and gliteratti, I spend Boom at AnonD's, where the crowd is a much more manageable and delightful AnonD and R, me and our combined 4 d oh double g's (...I like the Snoop spellin'). In addition to hangin' with friends, there's steak, air conditioning, a super comfy leather chair and the finest HD big ass screen tv in the land, and finding parking means pullin' in the driveway.
Other than what I find at AnonD and R's, the only thing I require to make my Booming complete is the Lee Greenwood
(Short answer: No.)
(Long answer) 2011 Boom soundtrack:
- Beyonce: National Anthem
- IllumiNations Epcot: Reflections of Earth
- Taio Cruz: Dynamite (fine, although if Hoda and Kathy Lee are playin' it hasn't it jumped the shark?)
- Neil Diamond: America (good enough song, bad techno version. Don't fuck with Mr. Diamond)
- McCoys: Hang on Sloopy (nobody wants to be reminded of the Buckeyes right now. Nobody. However, I know this soundtrack was put together well before any of that stuff started happening so slack on that.)
- Train: Hey Soul Sister (a friend tells me he's a douchebag, so I'm out on this song)
- Techno weirdness (stop techno-ing shit that shouldn't be techno'd)
- Alicia Keys/Ray Charles: America the Beautiful (good enough)
- Katy Perry: Firework (good enough)
- Cincinnati Pops: Armed Forces Medley (good enough)
- B.o.B/Hayley Williams: Airplanes (for the 4th? Nope. We don't wish on fireworks, that's not a thing.)
- Leann Rimes: Amazing Grace (huh? Happy Independence Day christians only?!? Screw everybody else?)
- Tinie Tempah: Written in the Stars (eh, I see what you were doin' but this. ..Here doesn't work)
- Mahalia Jackson: My Country, Tis of Thee (patriotic and a classic also kinda a downer no?)
- Gene Kelly: Grand Old Flag (really? the 1948 Gene Kelly version? With the hops, skips and jumps? Dud.)
- OSU Marching Band: Carmen Ohio (again 99.44% of us are using some combination of denial, booze and potato chips to avoid having to think about how awful things are in Buckeye (football) land. If things are as bad as I expect they will be, please just leave this out in '12, k? Thanks.)
- My Kinda Party: Jason Aldean (fine. Like the song, didn't hate it's inclusion)
- Kate Smith: God Bless America (good enough)
- Four Seasons: Oh What a Night (oh what a list...)
- Ring of Fire: Johnny Cash (I love me some JC and some Ring of Fire, but ya do know he recorded a lil' sumthin' called Old Ragged Flag, right?)
- Americus Brass Band: When Johnny Comes Marching (this made me want to put sumthin' sharpe in my eye)
- Elton John: Rocket Man (I've got nuthin' against this song, other than it's inclusion in RW&B)
- Boston Pops: 1812 Overture (good enough)
- Americus Brass Band: William Tell Overture (good enough)
Missing God Bless The U.S.A. and the uber clunky transitions between tracks, honestly, diminished my enjoyment of the entire production. Contemplating the what the fuckness of the musical accompaniment prohibited me from focusing in on the pyrotechnics themselves-- that's how shitty it was.
Don't believe me? See for yourself:
(I must warn you, it's 22 minutes you're NEVER gettin' back)
(Red, White and Boom ~ 2011)
Because my friend is (obviously!!) not at that station anymore and I have no one to pick up the phone and call...
Dear Red, White and Boom 2012 Soundtrack Planner,
In the most respectful maner, '11 is the purrrrrrrfect example of what not to do this year. Simply put, I found it spectacularly craptastic. Here's what we want; the musical military montage, a few fun pieces from whatever the latest cool kid music of the day is, a viral audio clip (for instance that double rainbow dude over a bed of some tune woulda been sweet sync'd with the right fireworks sequence, no?) peppered with a few ol' school classics and muther fuckin' Lee Greenwood's God Bless the U.S.A. That's it. We'll be happy
Love,
BBG
Because I was gypped and am proud to be an American I offer you this:
Happy and safe 4th-ing peeps!!
Haaaaaaaaaappy Birthday America!!
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